S*L*A*G HEADLINES

Arizona Man Victimized by Guerilla Vegetable

Tempe, AZ - An Arizona resident not named Dan is resting comfortably at home, after what is being classified as a new threat by an old nemesis.

Long thought to have be driven from the Valley, the rare and deadly Spicy Lettuce is back on the warpath. Click for Full Story

Listen to the Police 911 recording

This man is lucky to be alive, after a freak encounter with "spicy lettuce". Notice the red-face and constipated expression, the classic signs of a run-in with this delinquent produce.